String
by tatecherie
Summary: "How do you stand by and watch as my father wastes his life away, following you around? He just sits around at home, waiting for your ringtone to play, for your name to show up in his texts, and you torture him. You torture him, Detective Beckett."


**Disclaimer: **[Insert sarcastic, witty statement about not owning any rights to the television show _Castle_. And how Andrew Marlowe is a god. Etc, etc.]

**A/N: **Guysss, I want to cry. I finally got access to a computer - yes, I just said _access, _as in, I haven't been on the computer in  
>about threefour months - and I realized, I wasn't on enough to keep my documents alive on the manager. So the entirety next three chapters for  
><em>Swings...<em>GONE.

Just gone.

Like my soul. :(  
>But for real, I got on to post the chapters, and they no longer exist. So I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do...<br>having lost the hard copies I wrote. I'll figure something out though. That's a promise.

Here's something to get my muse going, though. In the meantime. Saw something on Tumblr that prompted this.  
><em>(By the way, message me for my Tumblr link! I love to meet new people there. And I follow back, if that matters!) <em>

**_Spoilers for all episodes. Don't know exactly what all I'm going to include/mention, but just in case... (this is set somewhere in S4.)_**

Thanks for reading! Enjoy :)

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><p><strong>String<strong>

Coffee could be mesmerizing.

The way the color could change, from black to a creamy beige, and anything in between.

The way it moved, flowed.

The way it varied in smell, but always had the same underlying aroma of coffee beans and warmth.

Detective Kate Beckett stared into her own mug of the poison and sighed, slowly moving the stir-stick in a circle, then withdrew it to watch the brief whirpool that formed in the cup.

It had been quiet as far as homicides went in the Big Apple, like murderers knew what had happened. Like they knew how her world had almost been shattered in an instant.

She looked through the window of the break room to her desk, and glared at the phone.

It remained silent.

Groaning out loud, she set her coffee down to pour in another packet of sweetener, when she noticed a flash of orange out of the corner of her eye.

The door slammed, and she found herself turning to face Alexis Castle, who was not wearing the most pleasant expression. Kate opened her mouth to ask what was going on, and suddenly realized that there were dried-up tear stains carved down her face.

"Ale-"

"Detective Beckett." Her tone was hard, frozen. The grim determination in her eyes only furthered Kate's worry.

Panic registered in the forefront of Kate's mind and clouded her vision. "What's wrong? Are you alright? Is your dad okay?"

"No. I'm not. And neither is my dad."

"Alexis, _what_ happened?"

"_Really?_ You have to ask?"

"I don't understand; did he go back to the hosp-"

"No. He's at home." Alexis grew quiet, and looked down at her feet.

She frowned in confusion, but remained motionless as she watched the teenager slowly still. She was shocked when she looked up, anger etched into her features.

"How do you do it? How do you stand by and watch as my father wastes his life away, following _you_ around? He just sits around at home, waiting for your ringtone to play, for your name to show up in his texts, and you torture him. You _torture _him, Detective Beckett." She paused for a breath, and then started again. "He's obssessed with you; you're all he can think about or talk about anymore. And he struggles to act like you aren't, but you can tell, _your_ name is always laying under his tongue, waiting to escape."

The words knocked the wind out of Kate, who stared, speechless - which seemed to only make Alexis' anger worse.

"And you can't even acknowledge the fact that he saved your life, once _again_. And now, he's paying the consequences, while _you_ get off, _scot-free_!"

Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes, as she put her hand to her head. "I watched my father try to jump in front of a bullet for you at Captain Montgomery's funeral. I watched him leave the house everyday after that, wondering if he was going to make it back for dinner. Make it back at all."

Kate opened her mouth, but Alexis held up a hand and continued, choking on her tears.

"And now...now I've seen him actually take the bullet. I've seen him close his eyes. I've seen the breath leave him. I've seen the flatline. I've seen it, Detective Beckett. I've seen him take the bullet, _for you_." Salt was freely flowing down her cheeks now, and Kate felt her own eyes well up.

"So, my question to you is, _when _are you going to stop stringing him along? _When_ are you going to stop playing your games with him, stop letting him believe he's this invincible cop? Stop letting him believe you might reciprocate his feelings for you, even the tiniest bit? _When_?"

It was silent for a minute, the only sound in the room the heavy panting of Alexis, as she tried to catch her breath.

Kate wiped at the single tear that had somehow found its way down her face.

"I can't - I don't, I, don't know how..." She stopped for a second, regaining her composure before speaking again.

"When my mother died, my entire world fell apart. And I could do nothing to fix it. And then my dad started drinking, and couldn't stop. And I was forced to watch him drown himself in alcohol, while I drowned in misery and confusion, and anger at the world and the injustice of it. Everywhere I looked, there was pain and betrayal. It was night, all the time. But something changed when I came across your father's books. I found hope. I found hope, in the pages and in between the lines, and I suddenly found myself changing majors and enrolling in the academy. Your father saved me, before I ever even met him."

Alexis stared, stunned and silent.

"I owe my life to _your _dad, ten times over. He is the most...extraordinary person I've ever known. And you have no idea how thankful and grateful I am that the universe led me to him on a case, and that he became my best friend. But you're right. It's not his job to protect me, or anyone else but you and your family, for that matter. But he does - not because he's selfish, but because he's a good person. But he doesn't realize that he's hurting _you_ in the process. He needs to, though."

Kate paused, inhaling heavily, as Alexis' tears seemed to increase silently.

"I'm in love with Rick Castle. I'm in love with your father. But I've been selfish. And because I love him, I'm going to go tell him, as soon as he gets better, that he can't follow me around anymore. Because, _you_ come first. And I can't bear to see you or him - _either_ of you - get hurt."

"Detective Beckett, I never wanted-"

"It's Kate. And please, Alexis. Please don't make this harder for me than it already is. I love him, and I love you, and if anything ever happened to him...I don't know what I'd do with myself. I don't _want_ to know what I'd do."

Sorrowful quiet loomed over them, and Alexis suddenly threw herself into the detective's arms.

"I'm so, _so_ sorry, Kate. I-"

"No. _I'm _sorry, Lex," she replied, returning the embrace.

"Are you going to tell him you love him?" Kate heard her whisper after a moment, feeling the wetness of the girl's tears soaking into her shoulder.

She whispered back, "I can't."

Affectionately moving a lock of orange hair out of Alexis's eyes, she sighed quietly.

If only.

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><p><strong>AN: **Okay, kinda weak-ish, I know. And short. But review?  
>And I'm updating<em> Swings<em> when I get back from work! :)  
>Thanks, loves.<p> 


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